From:  "Colonel Edmund J. Burke" <burkesgurlz@t-girls.com>
Date:  19 Dec 2016 23:48:33 Hong Kong Time
Newsgroup:  news.alt119.net/rec.nude
Subject:  

Re: SHIT HAPPENS (a true story)

NNTP-Posting-Host:  null

On 12/18/2016 3:46 PM, Mr. Smartypants Royal Order Of The DoW #4 wrote:
> On Saturday, December 17, 2016 at 8:42:56 AM UTC-7, Colonel Edmund J. Burke wrote:
>> You mayn't believe this, but something most similar happened to your old
>> Colonel some fifteen years ago. We, a friend and I, found ourselves at a
>> local Chink eatery in late afternoon, where I ordered the Kung Pao beef
>> plate, a spicy stir-fry dish made with chicken, peanuts, vegetables, and
>> super-hawt chili peppers.   I perhaps committed an injudicious snafu
>> when I advised our waitress to make it “hotter 'n a freshly fucked fox
>> in a forest fire,” though not necessary in such an accursed way.  To
>> which she politely replied, "Kung Pao?  It's already hot."
>>
>> "You can't make it hot enough for me," I admonished, and told her to
>> pass along my advice to the kitchen.
>>
>> An hour or so later found us camped out at a nearby tavern. That's when
>> it hit me. Thinking it only gas, I let one rip. . . .  Oh, gawd
>> almighty, it was a fusking wet one.*  That boggy sensation was
>> unmistakable; I had really fouled myself. I made a bee line for the
>> shitter, in the rear of the bar just behind the pool table. I just
>> couldn't stop going and going and going!  Several times an incautious
>> soul tried entry, then hastily evacuated.  The atmosphere hung like a
>> thick, feculent pall throughout.
>>
>> Outside the shithouse a froup of patrons had assembled, apparently much
>> entertained by me, while at the same time horrified by the terrific odor
>> within, which escaped whenever the door was carelessly opened by some
>> unsuspecting patron.
>>
>> My underpants were, obviously, a done deal, so I slipped 'em off between
>> shits and left 'em hanging, as a joke, on the toilet handle.  Someone,
>> probably the owner, would deal with ‘em later.  I laughed to myself a
>> little considering the folks who would be morally shocked and
>> terrifically horrified at the sight.  Then I got the fuck outa there.
>> Needless to say, I have not had the courage to return to that particular
>> tavern since.
>>
>> The End		;-)
>>
>> *A wet fart is not in fact wet.  Rather, the condition is caused by the
>> sphincter muscle rippling at something approximating 4x the speed of
>> sound.  This catastrophic disruption to one’s anus causes what is known
>> in the medical profession as “nerve confusion.”  Basically nerves around
>> the anus are completely shocked by said calamitous flatulence, and they
>> immediately begin searching for the appropriate response to send to the
>> brain.  Pain receptors, which have been temporarily traumatized, are
>> certainly of no use; so the nerves’ reaction is either a pleasant
>> anesthetic tingling, or, as in 90% of these instances, a definite
>> sensation or feeling of wetness.
>>
>> Any questions?
>
> No, but you seem to know a lot about how buttholes work.
>

Perhaps that explains how I know the so-called administrator.